Category: Nonsense

I time-traveled recently. In a couple different ways. Vortex In October my wife, four kids, and myself squeezed into our minivan and pointed it toward Pittsburg. No, not that one. Pittsburg, Kansas. A dear friend of ours was turning fifty-years-old and a surprise party that had been marinating for many months was finally underway. It is a very weighty decision…

Read More Time-Traveling

Kids Nonsense

If my daughter Nola(6) does not grow up to be a zoologist, then maybe the sky isn’t blue, and the Pope is a Methodist, and bears migrate great distances to use Porta-Potties just outside the woods. By all accounts it would seem that she is destined for this profession. She has amassed so much knowledge about animals that there is apparently no…

Read More My Animal Pattern Beatdown

Kids Nonsense

I’m a good sleeper. I’ve been practicing my whole life. While some may need white noise machines and meds to rest, I usually just need to be not standing and tired—I’d like to thank each of my four kids for consistently making the latter possible. But sleeping on a commercial flight, for me, is next to impossible. The reasons are two…

Read More Why I Can’t Sleep on a Plane – Part 2

Nonsense

I’m an infrequent flyer. I may board a plane a couple of times a year if I’m lucky. I enjoy the actual flying part immensely, but it’s one of those things that you really have to want to do. The amount of stress that it takes to get from the parking lot to your seat is so mind numbing that…

Read More Why I Can’t Sleep on a Plane – Part 1

Nonsense

Yesterday was an amazingly beautiful August day. An “If this is because of global warming I’ll take it” kind of August day. My daughter Nola found our baseball gloves in a closet and since I’m working at home she wanted to play catch with me. So we did. I freakin’ love playing catch. On paper it sounds mind numbingly awful. In…

Read More Playing Catch, Sort Of

Kids Nonsense

Take in the above picture for a moment. It’s a gem of a van that I came across while in the drive-thru. They are a heating and air company that apparently delivers “comfort everywhere”. While I’m unsure what a giant fireball and ice water have to do with comfort, here is how I saw this glorious vehicular masterpiece come into existence.  …

Read More Van of Fire and Ice

Nonsense Writing

In 1969 we landed on the moon. We, humans, landed on the moon. We figured out how to put people in a metal container, sitting on top of something not unlike a bomb, and detonate it out of Earth’s gravitational pull toward our favorite satellite. We figured out how to get their footprints on said satellite’s surface and crash them…

Read More Correcting Autocorrect

Nonsense

Start at the beginning. Legend: Nola (6) Violet (4) Roman (14 months) Ryan (32; tasked with single-handedly watching all the above for a week) ••• It’s Friday. The Friday. We are here. We have arrived and survived people. We have a solid week under our belts and all of the kids have a pulse. I should know, I just checked. Charity…

Read More Minus Charity Week: Last Day

Kids Nonsense

See the first day here. Legend: Nola (6) Violet (4) Roman (14 months) Ryan (32; tasked with single-handedly watching all the above for a week) ••• It’s the last full day before Charity comes home. Thursday, you’ve never looked so good. The times are approximate, the feelings are not.   5:35 am Alarm goes off because again, at one point I…

Read More Minus Charity Week: Seventh Day

Kids Nonsense

See the first day here. Legend: Nola (6) Violet (4) Roman (14 months) Ryan (32; tasked with single-handedly watching all the above for a week) ••• It’s Wednesday. The light at the end of the tunnel approaches. The times are approximate, the feelings are not.   5:35 am Alarm goes off. Creativity time.   7:45 am Get a text from my mom…

Read More Minus Charity Week: Sixth Day

Kids Nonsense